I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Randomize
