It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
