Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It's rum buckets o'clock
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
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