am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You took a bar mat shot.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
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