it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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