The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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