Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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