I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Randomize
