I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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