After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
