Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
Randomize
