you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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