I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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