she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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