Where did you get a picture of my penis
I faked an abortion last night.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Randomize
