got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Randomize
