i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
We had to coat check the pizza.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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