I accidentally had phone sex last night
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
