Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
