hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
there's paper in my vomit.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I need to align my fucking chakras
Randomize
