Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
We were destined to go to rehab together
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
