We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
