I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
