So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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