Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
