I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
