Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Randomize
