I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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