I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
