The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
