It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
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