I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
