I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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