it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
