I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
