I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
ugly people sure do ruin things
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
