i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
