I just saw a hot homeless man
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
