i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
