guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
