i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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