I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
He shit in the fireplace
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
