We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
