I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Randomize
