theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
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