Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
