I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
