My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
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