my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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