I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
the condom got lost in my hair
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize
